Yujin: a message I sent to Felix.

Message from Yujin

Hi, this is a message I sent to Felix. It's possible he is experiencing added pain, because of finding Okkyung late. What I say at the end about Okkyung's spirit being deeply at peace and wanting to bless Felix and Marina, I think applies to us her siblings and family. 

So, maybe we can take some moments in quietness personally to feel what her spirit desires to share with us. Just a thought. Sending all of you a lot of love. This is a lot for all of us. 

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Felix, 

it's possible you are feeling pain, grief and remorse, about not having been there when your mom was having the medical difficulty. Not having been able to save her. Not having been able to do more for her.

I want to share some thoughts that may be of help to you and Marina.

Likely, this was stroke or heart attack, or a fall. Or a heart failure caused by Myelofibrosis? In the case of any of these, there was likely little chance that you could have saved her. If a stroke, you would have had to find her within 3 to 6 hours; if a heart attack/failure, in much less time. Similarly, if it was a fall and she became unconscious. 

When Ilsunnim had her stroke we missed the 3 hour golden time and I/we had to grapple with a whole range of thoughts and feelings that involved "if only"s. If only we had set up an emergence beeper, or had her physically living with us… Other than these there was little that could have prevented Ilsunnim’s injury. 

It’s possible you and Marina are dealing with similar thoughts and feelings. Bless you. Especially because of the delay in time in discovering her, the pain may be magnified. If she was conscious for a little time, would she have felt afraid, or very alone? It’s possible that was so. 

It’s possible also that she was ready to go in the near future, thus at peace. She was that kind of a person. At peace in herself, with her life, with all of you. So please don’t be hard on yourself. She is, in spirit, blessing you, loving you, thanking you, for having been her one son, her one daughter, and giving her the great gift of being able to love you. She loves you, now. She is deeply at peace, now. And wanting to communicate that love and that deep peace to you, now. So when you have a moment, take a moment or two to feel her spirit. She may come to you and share the love that she wishes to share with you. When Ilsunnim passed away, she came to me in this way and that is a memory that I cherish to this day.